​How do we reconcile benevolence with horror?  The problem of equating an all-good, all-loving God with a world that can be harsh and cruel is one that has taxed theologians for many years. 
 
Of course, we understand from our perspective, which is esoteric, we are not aligning with any deity or form of God as traditionally understood, but rather with the essence of what that figure represents: the creative potent source of all; the dynamic silence from which everything arises and to which everything returns.  
 
Rudra is perhaps the most ancient name for Śiva.  As Rudra he howls and is depicted as the “roaring raw essence” – what is he roaring at?  Ignorance, stupidity?  If so, we can hear him quite loudly now.   He is the one slinging his arrows and yet, he is also the one who we entreat for protection. The dual representation of Rudra for me, more accurately reflects the nature of the world in which we live, which is both benign and beautiful as well as harsh and destructive. 
 
To my mind, this reflects both the divine unconditional love we long for, as well as the harshness of the world we experience.  Rudra is the divine representation in the early tradition as the “god for all.”  He howls for the criminals and the saints; the high and low born and everything in between as opposed to the Brahmanical stance of strict purity and those who are entitled ‘to know.”  Rudra guards and protects the animals and humans as well as nature, both large and small-- all are worthy of his attention. Perhaps this is because he sees his reflection everywhere.  
 
The wrath of Śiva then as Rudra, is directed primarily against ignorance and the evil that pervades the human consciousness, and the true nature of the deity is inherently loving and benign.  This we come to know, via meditative absorption, is our true nature though clearly, we have evidence of its opposite on full view in the world.  What do I howl at?  What is causing a roar to rise in my throat? 
 
The name Rudra itself is interpreted in different ways, but the most commonly suggested meaning is as the one who makes a roaring sound, which again connects Rudra with the violence and destructive nature of the world, its storms.  He roars and we roar too in our pain; and also, we roar in our delight.
 
I sign my messages with the word courage.  I have done so for years and each time I write it, the truth of the word comes into fuller view.  Courage, vīrya in Sanskrit.  
 
Vīrya may be translated as: strength, vitality, power, potency, bravery, courage.  We have vīrasana: hero’s pose in yogasana. There are many references to vīrya in the Indian and yoga tradition.  Importantly for us in non-dual Śaiva Tantra tradition there is the mantra vīrya; the potency of the heart seed mantra -the hṛdaya-bījā-mantra- that is installed, pratiśta, mantra-pratiśta, the installation of the mantra at the time of initiation.  It is whispered from the mouth of the acharya to the ear of the recipient.  
 
It travels, from where to where? The mantra, composed of letters or phonemes, is but a vessel, an empty cup, until it is filled with power, vīrya.  This vīrya is drawn forth from the very Heart of Consciousness itself; vīrya, the power of all creation, rests in the heart of the absolute.  It is daily practice that renders the pathway to this ‘resting’ space, the portal of the parā, the transcendent, at the junction of the paśyanti, the subtle visioning word, ever clearer. This space of the parā, is both silent and dynamically potent.  It is this very same source that our individual awareness moves to in deep meditation.  And it is subsequent study applied, that assists the mind in grasping these esoteric teachings, thereby rendering them signposts for what is naturally taking place.  The four levels of the word: vaikhari, gross/spoken; madhya, intermediary/thought; paśyanti, visioning/taking shape; parā, transcendent/formless from which all form arises, is a hallmark of the non-dual Śaiva Tantra tradition.  
 
The closer we get to source, the more power inherent in what is received.  It is the resting in this source that then renders, individual awareness its increased potency, increased expansion and upon emergence the practitioner is more and more able to draw from this source.
 
It’s a beautiful picture.  I close my eyes and traverse as though on a super highway; what my teacher calls an ‘access ramp’ opens.  We move on this inward path to home.  Home, source of all creative power, and it is not surprising then, that we begin to understand and experience this vīrya in ever new and potent ways.  It is an indication of the ever-burgeoning knowledge that all is indeed consciousness.  We get glimpses.  Our practice is first and foremost very practical.  Aid our capacity to live a full good life, then enlightenment; not the other way around.
 
It takes great courage to be a fully realized human.  To dare to look at all the spaces, both contracted and full.  We seek to expand the light, our light into all the contracted dark spaces of self so that we may more authentically know and live from the light of our truest, whole nature.  In doing so, we are then able, rendered more capable, to share that light with the world.
 
Meditate.  The world needs you.

OṂ GAṂ GAṆAPATAYE NAMAḤ
OṂ ŚRI GAṆEŚĀYA NAMAḤ
NAMO GAṆEŚĀYA VIGHNEŚVARĀYA
 
OM! Let us meditate on the benign face of Lord Ganeśa, the face of grace itself! 
Let us bow to Ganeśa, the remover of obstacles.
 
Ganeśa in the Indian tradition, is known as the remover of obstacles. More precisely, he is the energy who stands in relationship to obstacles. We know from our perspective that consciousness is one, whole, eternal. In order for us to exam this perfection, its characteristics, qualities or values are teased out.  This is the whole consideration of diversity; what is absolute and whole, out of its freedom, svātantrya-śakti, breaches that wholeness to move into diversity, separation and with that, we experience a profound loss.  It is like birth, the child cries at being pulled from their mother’s womb.  So, too, we cry, it is a cry of the heart, at being separated from our spiritual mother as it were; from wholeness. It is a palpable ache. 
 
It is this loss, that impels the vama, the outer current, to move like a heat seeking missile to fill the hole created by that loss.  We do so in various ways, but because life is in a state of constant flux—not stable and eternal—but temporary and ever changing—that feeling of fullness, completeness, never lasts.  So, we are in constant search mode.  We intuit that there must be something out there that is solid, lasting, eternal. This, sets us on a path to find that something.  It is the awakening of śakti within us always present, but not always available, that sets us on the path to find a teacher and teachings, an authentic sādhanā, that will provide us the framework necessary to begin to understand- to hold, contemplate and above all experience the fullness that is the source of all creation.
 
Ganeśa is also known as Gaṇapaty, Lord of the gunas, the categories.  We seek to align with the highest energy who lords over all the categories. So Ganeśa, he who stands in relationship to obstacles.  What is my relationship to the obstacles in my life?  Both inner and outer.  How do I meet them?  Do I move from habitual pattern which lock steps me into furthering my limitation or do I engage, in a new fresh way as I stand upon the ‘ledge of freedom’ that my daily practice permits?  This ledge is the natural slowing down, the pause that permits individual awareness to stand free, even for but a moment, between cause and subsequent action.  It is the madhya space, the in-between and we begin to see why this space is held as sacred.  For in that moment, in that opening, we are able to choose.  Of course, it matters what column we are choosing from.  Do we choose from the habitual, which is pretty deeply grooved, or something new?  This newness may feel odd, clunky even – like the saw that skips over clean wood- it does not quite take hold immediately.  But with practice, we create new grooves even, as we sand down the old ones. 
 
The Indian tradition is rich in myth.  The mythology of Gaṇapaty is vast.  He is said to be the son of Parvati and Śiva. Meant to keep Parvati company, to guard her from unwanted attention, and permit her to focus on what is important, while Śiva is away meditating and doing his deeds in the world.  He guards her inner sanctum, where she bathes and readies herself; only admitting those through who have the adhikāra, the readiness, qualification, or entitlement to receive initiation or sacred knowledge.
 
So, we chant to the 'placeholder' of this energy, Ganeśa, first to remove all inner obstacles that prevent us from entering the inner sanctum of our own abode and bathing in the waters of our own sweet consciousness. It is from this daily bath, that our individual awareness emerges refreshed, rejuvenated, and thus impacts our capacity to meet obstacles on the surface. Meditation is the bow that permits awareness to be pulled back deeply into potent source, such that when we open our eyes, awareness is released; hitting its target with effacacious potency each and every time.  How do we stand in relationship to obstacles?
 
Why do we chant?  
There is benefit in raising the voice, a harmonic convergence of sorts.  After all, we are beings of vibration and we respond to vibration. The Sanskrit language has a potency and richness unparalleled.  There is no need to even know the meaning, if there is one, the vibration itself is healing.  But those who have a regular practice of meditation, receive so much more.  For those, due to the time spent in that inner sanctum of deep samādhi, when chanting or reciting, it calls forth that sweetness like an echo and once again, we are immediately refreshed, bathed in the potent water of source.   Meditation is the gift that keeps on giving.  
 
We do not meditate for any one session, no matter how sweet or fiery, but for the cumulative effect. Like putting money in the bank, so that when it is needed, it is there.
 
We rehearse these themes again and again.  Always jñāna and vijñāna- the Śaiva Tantra exquisite understanding of knowledge and experience.  We give the mind something to hold on to, something to lean into until recognition dawns in our experience.  
 
Neelakantha Meditation- what are we doing?  Neelakantha Meditation is a simple profound and elegant practice. It is natural. It is innocent. It requires of us only that we surrender.
 
It is natural, not forceful. We say yes, there is a discipline at the surface of life.  We’re creating the nirodha-saṃskāras as the Yoga Sutra so beautifully clarifies.  But then also it is just the fact that this pulsation of consciousness, as it is increasingly powerfully present within us, just entices us.  And we don’t even have to think.  It’s not a decision.  We’re just drawn to close our eyes and to deepen into that uplifted state.  We use the natural inbuilt mechanism of the mind to want more. The heart seed mantra is the tool “man + tra”.  We apply it like a pair of pliers, we leverage the endeavor.
 
It is innocent.  Innocence is not naivete.  It is not childish though it is pure in its enactment as the child is in her wonder.  We do not manipulate or force.  We sit and accept what shows up knowing that if it is sweet, it is healing and nourishing.  And if it is fiery or agitating, it is benevolent in that it is ridding the body- mind of what hinders the light- always there- to shine more fully. 
 
It requires only surrender.  What are we surrendering?  Surrender is not giving up.  It is not complacency.  It is permitting, for a short time, the release of our individual identity- of who we know ourselves to be- and permit awareness to bath in its oceanic, vibrant, rich source. So that when we open our eyes and take in the world, we see more clearly, more truly.  
 
Of course, this fades. So, much like the daily bath we take for our outer body, we must dive in again and again and again.

My most fervent desire is that all individuals will know the powerful treasure they hold within their very beings. In this we create both an individual and collective ‘heaven on earth’ even in hellish times. 

Welcome the Great Light    12.24.19
 
Winter Solstice celebrates the growing return of the light.  As the earth spins on her axis, she tilts and the light always present begins to show itself more and more each day.  We welcome this yearly ritual and, in its honoring, we symbolically welcome the light that is always present in each heart to blossom more fully.
 
I understand it is the darkness that lends the light a stage upon which to present her glory.  It is the dark that brings rest and a sweet sort of silence that the sound of light may trumpet her arrival. 
 
Of course, I don’t always remember or embrace this when darkness seems unending and often cruel.  Still, they are partners darkness and light.  They pulse and dance in unison, in an embrace so close it is often hard to tell which is leading.    
 
So, I close my eyes each day and rest in the darkness, in the sweet silence of source that I may hear her secrets; know her truth, find steadiness and love in the core of my being, the core of each being.  The darkness in a way births the light, and the light rests in darkness. 
 
No matter where our physical body stands, always we meet in the great heart.  Upon opening my eyes then, once more the world looks new as the light of my individual awareness illuminates the objects of the world and I astonishingly see, hear, smell, touch and taste the light as though it were for the first time. 
 
This is the gift of contrast.  The experience in which one, permits the other a moment of glory, be it sound or silence, darkness or light.  The gift of meditation is one that keeps this experience alive.  And it is more than fleeting experience, it is the gift of knowledge that permits one to embrace both dark and light in each life and in doing so, move closer to the living experience of light as source, anchor and home.
 
In this blessed season as many celebrate the return of light in the physical world and in the heart of humans as represented by the loving words holy beings shouted from the hillsides and temples, churches and ashrams, mosques and basement rooms, I wish you peace.   
 
May you know the light of your own sweet heart.  May it swell and spill out into the world in all you do, big and small, each day, in potent forms of love.
Sva Mahāprakāśa!  Welcome the Great Light.  
 

Only someone who is very, very strong can be truly, tenderlysensitive.  How do we change the world?  It’s not going to happen over night but it must begin and it starts with the individual.  It begins with me.  This is why I practice; why I am devoted to my practice.  I have experienced its effects in my own life and as I continue to cultivate and stabilize this power, I want with all my heart, for all to heal, for the world to heal and expand.  We can no longer lean back and simply hope.  We must look forward and expand.  To do so, we must first look within to expand individual awareness.    

Profound transformative ordeals are stirring, individually and planet wide.  Some are beautiful and ease-full almost magical; others are quite painful but no less transformative.  This is the what the Śaiva Tantra tradition refers to playfully as the “maha-śakti house-cleaning service” at work removing the debris, the garbage of life.  It sounds good natured, and indeed is benevolent in intent, but without understanding can be torturous.  The daily practice of mediation is what supports and carries us through when we are making those big leaps in life.  Whether we like it or not, want it or not, change happens.  We are changing, the world is changing.  Participate.

What we need is the proper instruction and knowledge that supports not only practice, but the living of life  This is the crux of what is missing for so many, the theory that supports practice.  The recognition of what is occurring deep within, not just interesting in some philosophical manner, but the very creative impulse that feeds what shows up on the surface of life.

Poverty consciousness is not speaking of just the bank account.  There is a wealth of knowledge found within but we have forgotten its existence.  This is the wealth that supports the attainment of every sort.  Once this is recovered, we may entertain on a deep profound level how we apply and share our wealth of knowledge, wisdom, insight; our power and yes our material wealth too.  Skillfully life is fully lived.

Meditate, say the wise sages, a treasure is within.  Cultivate the wealth of consciousness from which all wealth arises. ​